~ Chapter 10 ~
Dead silence. Kevin and Fatima stared at one another. Fatima's hand slowly dropped to her side. She turned away from Kevin, unable to bear the hurt expression his eyes bore.
It wasn't long before she felt his warm hands on her shoulders. "Ti?" he said softly, using the nickname only he was allowed to use.
Fatime turned to face him. Tears glistened in her eyes. "God, Kev..I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me." She reached up to touch the red mark her slap had left.
"I always knew you were a feisty one." Kevin smiled feebly.
"Kev, talk to me. What's going on with you?"
"N...nothing," he lied.
"Come on, Kevin. I've known you far too long to believe that. I've noticed a tremendous change in you since last Spring. It started off with little things, but now it's out of control."
"Ti..."
"...When I asked you, you said nothing was wrong,
but I listened to your magical song
All its notes were gone, you sang it I heard,
Silence speaks a thousand words..."
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She put her hand out. "Let me finish. Whatever is going on can't be so bad that you have to turn to drugs."
"I'm not doing drugs!" Kevin shouted vehemently.
Fatima wasn't convinced. "You're doing something. You forget the words to songs, easy dance moves, appointments. Half the time you look like the walking dead, the other half you're bouncing off the walls."
Kevin let himself fall onto a bench. His shoulders drooped in despair. "It's not drugs, Ti. It's...well, it's alcohol."
Fatima's eyes widened. "Alcohol? You're an Alcoholic?"
"No, I'm not," Kevin said firmly. "Let me explain. It started last year when we were having those managerial problems. I was under so much stress. I took a drink one day to see if it would calm my nerves. It did. I loved the feeling so much that it became a ritual for me to have a drink or two when I was or am stressed out or nervous. I'm not addicted, Ti. I can go without."
"Are you sure?"
"I am."
She nodded. "Ok, Kev, I'll believe you. But you have to prove to me that you care about yourself and this group. I want to see an improvement. I'm giving you a few weeks. If I see that you're still drinking, I'll have no choice but to talk to Mike and Jeff."
Her words scared Kevin, but he wouldn't let her see that. "Deal. I promise you that I'll stop drinking. You have my word."
"Kevin, I'm not doing this to be mean. I care about you. I don't want anything to happen to you."
"I know, Ti," he said to her as he hugged her. But he was thinking, 'It already has.'
Shae-Lyn watched Leighanne take a bite of her cheeseburger. "That looks good," she commented, staring down at her own tasteless salad.
"So have one," Leighanne said.
"I can't. I'm dieting. I figure if I can lose 20 lbs, Nick will actually grace me with at least a half smile."
Leighanne frowned. "Nick's not like that. Besides, you should be losing weight for yourself. Not Nick or anyone else." She saw a flicker of pain appear in Shae's eyes and decided to change topics. "How are you enjoying your adventure so far?"
Shae sighed. "It's only been a few days. You and the guys are great. I just wish Nick would acknowledge my presence."
"Don't take it personally," Leighanne said. "Nick hasn't..." she paused and looked at Shae thoughtfully. She wondered if she could trust her.
"Hasn't what?" Shae pushed.
Leighanne decided to take a chance and trust her. She was sweet and seemed genuine. "Nick hasn't been the same since his accident last year."
"How has he changed?"
"He's sullen, a lot moodier than he was before. The public doesn't know how this accident,and the coma that ensued, affected Nick personally. Even Brian and the guys, his closest friends, don't know. He's shut them out. He's retreated into a shell. It's tearing Brian apart. He misses his Frack."
"Wow..." Shae-Lyn looked upset. "One could never tell from watching him perform. He's always smiling and laughing, doing crazy stuff, humping poles." She grinned.
Leighanne laughed. "Nick's a performer. An actor. An entertainer. As good as any actor, he can "act" his way through any concert. His smiles and laughs for the crowd are genuine. They make him feel good and he remembers what he's doing this for. To make others happy. To make his fans happy. That gives him external happiness. But inside, he's not happy."
Shae-Lyn felt the tears start to burn beneath her eyelids. "How do you know all this?"
"I ran into Nick in the studio one day when I was waiting for Brian. He looked lost and lonely. I asked him what was wrong and for about 15 minutes he confided a bit in me. He's just a little boy looking for his love."
"His love? From who?"
Leighanne shrugged. "From what he had before the accident. His girlfriend left him for another man. Then there's Angel."
Shae-Lyn sat up straighter. "Angel? Tell me about her."
"Angel was a girl who visisted Nick while he was in a coma. Actually, no one ever saw her. Not even Nick. His family, the guys, and his friends don't believe that she actually exists."
"And you do?"
She nodded. "The day Nick confided in me, he told me everything that Angel had said to him in the hospital. He has her every word memorized. There is no way he dreamt all that. I believe someone came to him. Possibly a fan. But someone was there. And whoever that person is, she got Nick to come out of his coma."
"He said that?" Shae whispered.
"Yes, he did."
"Do you think he would have died if Angel wouldn't have been there?"
Leighanne shook her head. "I don't know. Nick just said, "Angel gave me life again." I don't know how he meant it. Maybe he thought that he was going to die."
"That's so sad," Shae said. "Has he ever tried to contact Angel?"
"He tried, Shae. He tried so hard. Amid ridicule from his family and friends. But he never found her. That's part of the reason why he's so depressed. He thinks she's his savior...his soulmate. His light at the end of the tunnel."
"That's how he talks about someone that he's never met?"
"Yea. He said that it doesn't matter if he never met her. She's his Angel. She's the most beautiful thing that ever existed to him. He has her envisioned. He told me that her voice was like a lilting melody on a sad, rainy day, her eyes are the color of a clear ocean, her hair is soft like the sand that runs through his fingers, her body is as perfect as a porceline doll's."
Shae-Lyn swallowed the lump in her throat. "Maybe I should order that cheeseburger. There is no way I will ever win Nick Carter's heart."
* Silence Speaks (A Thousand Words)
Lyrics by Debbie Gibson,© 1989
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