~ Chapter 12 ~
Nick grabbed Shae and led her to a bench. He didn't know what to say. He wished he was anywhere but here. "You need me? Shae, I don't know what's wrong, but maybe I should go get your friend."
Shae felt uneasy. She knew that Nick wanted to be elsewhere. "She's gone with AJ. You can leave me here. I'll be fine."
Nick stood up. "Are you sure?"
Shae nodded. Nick started heading back in the direction of the hotel. Shae watched his retreating form and broke down. Hot tears cascaded down her face. Passersby looked at her curiously. An elderly man offered her a tissue. She felt totally embarrassed, but she couldn't stop crying. Why was she here? So that she could find out what a total loser she really was? Just to prove to herself that Nick Carter never would want her? She already knew that. She didn't have to prove it to herself. Now the deed was done. As much as she loved him, he was a prick. How could he leave her sitting here? Didn't he have a caring bone in his body? She didn't want to think he was so cold and uncaring, but he had just proved it. Her mind wandered back to the restaurant conversation with Leighanne. 'So you have problems, Nick Carter. Well so do I. But I don't treat people like they have the Plague.'
Her thoughts turned to Howie. How was she suppose to look at him again? She had said some terrible things. God, this trip was suppose to be something wonderful. It was becoming a nightmare.
She struggled to her feet. 'I have to talk to Loreto and tell her that I want to go home.'
Nick sat by the river a few feet away. He was partially hidden by a tree, but he could see Shae. He had been watching her. She was crying. He felt like shit. He hadn't meant to make her cry. But he didn't know what she wanted from him. When she said "I need you" he had pannicked. He didn't want her needing him. He wanted to be left alone. Unless Angel came looking for him. Or he found her. And find her he would.
He didn't want to bother with women unless it was for sex. He had been with a few girls since his first re-encounter into the world of one night stands in Belgium. He had run into Esha again in London. She was a vixen in bed and they had sex every night for the week they guys were in the UK. He also had one nighters in Amsterdam and Koln. Sexually, he was fulfilled, but his heart was empty.
He glanced back in Shae's direction. She was walking slowly in the direction of the hotel. Part of him wanted to join her, but he didn't want to give her the wrong idea. He needed to find a groupie for tonight. Too bad Shae was fat. She seemed as lonely as he did. They could have some fun together. But she wasn't his type.
Kevin's body quivered beneath the blankets, his body drenched in sweat. He knew what was wrong. Withdrawal. He couldn't handle this. It had been a week since he had touched anything. True to his word. He regretted making that promise to Ti and the guys. He couldn't live without it. He needed it like he needed to breath. It made him feel whole, alert, happy. That and sex. That's all he needed.
Who was he lying to? Himself. He knew that he was addicted. It all started last year. Last April. That horrible day last April when his world came crashing down around him. He remembered that day like it was yesterday. The look in Nick's eyes. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal. He couldn't shake that memory as much as he wanted to. It was there. It followed him everywhere. It haunted his days and logged into his conscience at night.
He blamed Nick. It was all his fault. If only he would have listened to reason and let go when he should have, none of this would be happening now. Nick always thought he could get his way. Just because he had the looks, he thought everyone wanted him. Thought he could get everything he wanted. But he couldn't. Not what he really wanted. 'This time I won,' Kevin thought bitterly. Won what? Nightmares? Despair? Depression? When it all came to a head...they had all lost out. No one had won anything. Nick had almost died. And I might as well be dead, he thought, because I have nothing to live for.
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