~ Chapter 18 ~
*In Kevin's Room*
"No need to swear, B."
Brian's face was red from anger. "I'm really, really pissed off with you right now. I thought you told us that you stopped drinking weeks ago?"
"I did."
"Then why are you acting so unbalanced?"
"Unbalanced?" Is that how I seem to you?" He didn't bother to hide the irritation in his voice.
"Yea, you're unbalanced. Kev, I've known you my entire life. You've never done anything impulsive, out of control, or mean. You've always been strong. Even when your dad died."
Kevin glanced sharply at his cousin. "Don't mention my father, understood?"
"I'm not here to talk about him. It's you. Kev, you're a perfectionist. You're always the one telling us to get our shit together. You always make sure we keep our appointments. Our committments. Sometimes it gets too much to bear, but we've come to accept it. That's how you are. Or were. Not anymore, Kev. You've messed up so much in the past nine months. Now I'm gonna tell you, Kev. Get YOUR shit together!"
Kevin laughed bitterly. "You sound like that stupid friend of yours."
Brian's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me? Are you dissin' Nick again?"
"Yea. What of it?"
"What the hell did he ever do to you?"
"I don't have time to relate all of Nickolas's assinine moments to you, Brian."
"Stop cuttin' him down when he's not even hear to defend himself."
Kevin pretended to look hurt. "Aw! Gee B. So sorry. I'm really honest to God sick and tired of these confrontations with you and blondie."
"You and I have never discussed this before, Kev. It's been a long time coming."
"It's still pointless. Nick tried to talk to me and you see where that got him."
"Kevin, you're my blood. I love you. I want to understand what's going on inside that head of yours so I can help you."
"There's nothing going on. Are we done?" He stood up, went to the dresser, and started rummaging through it.
"No, we aren't done. I ain't blind. You started acting like this right after Nick and I were in the hospital. Was it...I mean....is it because of...."
Kevin turned to him. "Say it, Brian. Say "is it because of me?"
"...Where do I turn when you turn away,
it's never just the things you say
You never ever put me down,
but when I speak you turn around
and saying not much is saying a lot..." |
"I..." Brian started to say something, but thought better of it.
When he saw Brian wasn't going to say anything, Kevin continued, "This is where it stops, B. The entire planet does not revolve around Brian Littrell."
Brian's mouth dropped open. "I never said it did."
Kevin snorted. "Ha! You didn't? Maybe not in so many words, but did you ever stop to think about anyone but yourself? Yes, you had major surgery, yes, I was worried about you and I didn't want you to die, but do I have to keep hearing about it month after month? During every concert? Every interview? All of America and probably most of the planet, knows that you had heart surgery. Thanks to you, everyone now knows what a VSD is. So you no longer have to recite that heartwrenching speech of yours cause nobody cares anymore."
Brian felt like Kevin had punched him in the heart. "You're a bastard! Do you know what I went through last year? How scared I was that I would die on that operating table?"
"I know you were. I was scared for you, too. I cried for you, Brian. But that's not my point. My point is that the rest of us had problems, too. But no one cared. It was all about you and Nick. I guess we should have admitted ourselves into a hospital. Maybe then someone would have made a fuss."
"We didn't ask to be in the hospital, Kev. What about the rest of you?"
"See? You don't even know! Remember Howard? He lost his sister. Yea, he mentionned her at a few award shows and on a talk show or two, but you don't see him harping on it every chance he gets. No one asked him about it like they bombarded you and Nick with questions. But then again, you're Backstreet's two Golden Boys. Nick didn't even have the decency to show appreciation for anyone's concerns. Always the sullen expression and evasive answers. This is not about jealousy, Brian. It's about being fed-up at being cast to the side like a 5th wheel."
Brian didn't know what to say. He was torn between pity for Kevin and anger at him for saying what he was saying.
"Brian, did you ever once stop to ask me how I was coping with it all? Not only your surgery, but everything else that we went through? All our management problems? I may put on a strong front, but inside is where it hurts. Inside is where I get torn up, scared, enraged, heartbroken. If you weren't so wrapped up in yourself, Leighanne, and Nick, you would have seen that. You always said that you could read me like a book. You obviously haven't done any reading in a while."
Brian stood up. "I don't know what to say to you anymore. I've said my piece. I want to help. You don't want my help. So we're at a crossroad."
"I guess we are."
"You have to make a decision, Kev. The future of the Backstreet Boys rests in your hands. We cannot continue on like this. You and Nick fighting, you and I at odds, all this tension. It's gonna break us up. You have to stop missing appointments and start recommitting yourself to the group. At least until this tour is over."
Kevin nodded slowly. "I'll try."
"Don't just try. Do it." Brian left the room.
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