~ Chapter 38 ~
"Any signs of weakness yet?" Kevin asked, settling down on the sofa beside Loreto.
She looked at him, perplexed. "Weakness?"
"You were convinced my cooking would kill you. I wanted to know if you felt the effects of the aresenic yet?"
Loreto chuckled. "Ok I'll admit, you're a good cook. It was very tasty. What was in La Surprise Richardson anyway?"
"Frog legs, goat liver, bloodpudding, and a dollop of rosemary."
Loreto's face turned a pasty white. "Now I feel weak. You are kidding, aren't you?"
Kevin just smiled. "We eat different down South."
"Ugh." She clutched her stomach. "Next time I cook."
"I take it that means they'll be a next time."
"That depends on you. What did you need to talk to me about?"
"Us."
The word hung in the air. Loreto waited for him to continue.
"Loreto, what we did in Europe..."
"Screw each other's brains out you mean?"
He smiled at the memory. "Yea that. That first night when I came to your room-all I wanted was to get laid. And I knew you had a thing for me so I figured you would give in. I didn't think you'd fall into my lap so easy, but I'm glad you did." He smiled.
Loreto didn't. Her eyes darkened. "So that's all I was? A convenient f**k? Thank you Kevin!" She rose, but Kevin pulled her back down.
"I'm not done baby. Let me finish," he said, catching the anger in her eyes. "I said that's all I wanted. But I never expected to feel anything for you. I screwed a lot of women on that tour and you were suppose to be just another notch on the ole belt. But you weren't. That's why there was a second time, then a third, and so on. I've never had a one-night stand with the same person twice." He laughed. "That doesn't make sense, but you know what I mean. When I was with you, I felt something stir deep inside me. Something I hadn't felt in over a year now. Every time you looked into my eyes, my heart would start to pound faster, my stomach would do flip flops. It sounds funny. Here I am an almost 28 year old man going gaga over a girl. I thought I had a hold on my emotions. After my last relationship, I wasn't looking for love. Just companionship and sexual release. Then you came along."
"I thought you hated me before we...had sex," she whispered.
"I never hated you. I hated the fact that you meddled in my personal life and found out about the drugs. I was scared that drug dealer would hurt you. That's why I was so cold and unresponsive. I didn't want you in my world. Not because I didn't like you, but because I did, and I didn't want anything to happen to you. People can get hurt where drugs and money are involved. So I made you hate me. Or tried. Being on cocaine helped because it made me say and do things I wouldn't of said otherwise. That night when we first had sex, I was stoned out of my tree. I'm surprised you didn't notice."
"Or maybe I did and just ignored it," she said, surprising both of them.
"But every time after that, I wasn't on cocaine. It was just a joint or two. Just to calm my nerves and make me forget my problems for just a little while."
"So where do we go from here?" Loreto asked intently.
"We can build a friendship. An honest relationship. Slowly. I'm not doing the stuff anymore, Loreto. And I don't plan on going back. I want to come clean, not only with my body, but with everyone around me. I told my mom and Lou what caused my lapse. I spoke to the guys earlier today and told them a bit. I need to talk to Nick before I tell them the rest."
"Why do you seem to hurt, so scared when you mention Nick's name? What happened between you two?"
Kevin shrugged. "It's a long story, Loreto. A long, sad story."
"Tell me."
"I don't think..."
Loreto grabbed his chin and looked into his eyes. "Kevin," she began firmly, "you just said you wanted to build an honest relationship. So let's begin by you telling me the truth. Or this relationship's over before it even begun."
"No. I...it's just so hard to talk about."
"Kev, it's ok," she said, her voice softening. "I can only imagine how hard it is, but you need to tell me."
Kevin exhaled slowly. "Ok....get comfortable cause it's a long one."
A couple of hours later....
"So do you hate me now?"
Loreto wiped the tears from her eyes. She was still shocked at his revelations. "Kev," her voice shook with emotion, "I...I don't. No, I can't hate you. But Nick...oh God Kevin. Nick...Nick's gonna be...I don't even want to imagine his reaction."
"Don't you think I know that?" His voice rose. "It wasn't planned, Loreto. Things happen for a reason. I believe in fate."
"Fate?" she sputtered, annoyed. "What possible reason could fate have for making you do what you did? Looking back now, do you see why fate would intervene Kevin? Did fate really had anything to do with it? When they say things happen for a reason, it's usually something good that happens that makes you glad you didn't go through with whatever you had planned to originally. Am I making sense?"
He nodded. "But I did go through with it."
"Exactly! And where did it get you? Months of lies, tears, fear, substance abuse. Not too mention what poor Nick went through. I don't think it was fate."
"What do you want me to do? I can't change what happened. I can only apologize and hope he learns to forgive me."
"Forgiveness is not always easy, Kev."
"I made a mistake. I'm gonna have to live with that the rest of my life. I think that's punishment enough."
"Yes you will, Kev. The only thing that will stop the demons from haunting you forever will be Nick forgiving you."
"You just said forgiveness isn't always easy."
"Would you forgive someone if you knew they almost killed you?"
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