~ Chapter 47 ~
Brian picked up the phone on the second ring. " 'Lo?"
"How did you know it was me?"
"Hey Loreto!" He chuckled. "I didn't actually. That's my way of saying hello. How's it goin' ?"
Loreto didn't hesitate to get to the purpose of her call. "Brian, I'm in the hospital. Orlando General."
"Oh my God! Why? What happened?"
"I was in a car accident last night. Brian, could you please come down here right away. I need to talk to you. It's urgent."
'She sounds scared,' he thought. "Yea Loreto. I'll be there asap!"
Loreto put the phone down and closed her eyes. Kevin had left her room half an hour before ago. He could be anywhere now. Doing anything. When he said "goodbye" his voice had a final edge to it. Like he knew he would never see her again.
Tell Nick I love him. Loreto shook in fear at what that could mean. She knew Kevin was capable of anything, especially when he was high. She hoped to God Brian would be able to find him and talk him out of anything rash.
She was napping when Brian came into the room twenty minutes later. He sat down on the bed and gently nudged her hand.
Loreto slowly opened her eyes. "Hey B. Thanks for coming."
Brian looked grim. "What happened?"
"I was on my way to see Kev last night when my car rammed into a fallen tree."
Brian's eyes widened. "You were out in that storm? Are you nuts?"
Loreto nodded. "Regretful actually. Brian, there's something I need to tell you." He remained quiet, waiting for her to continue. "I...I was pregnant with Kevin's baby. I lost it in the accident."
Brian's face fell, tears immediately leaking from his eyes. "Oh sweetie, I'm so so sorry!" He grabbed her one hand that wasn't bandaged and kissed it. "Does Kevin know?"
"Yes," she replied sadly. "He was here earlier. Brian...Brian you need to help Kevin. I don't know what he's gonna do! Oh God!" She started getting hysterical.
"Loreto, calm down. There's something you left out. Start at the beginning."
"I called Kevin last night. He had women over at his place and told me he hired them to take care of his sexual needs." Brian's eyes widened in surprise, but he didn't say a word. "He told me to come over and join them. His voice was too cheery. Almost manic. Right then I knew he was high on something. I ran out of the house in pure jealousy, anger, and with the knowledge that if I told him I was carrying his baby, he would stop what he was doing. That's when I had the accident." She gulped as feelings of guilt washed over her. "Kevin came to see me about an hour ago. He thinks I blame him for the baby's death, but I don't. It's not anyone's fault. It was an accident, although I do blame myself in part for not thinking clearly last night. We got into an arguement and Kevin wouldn't let me say anything. Before I could tell him that I don't blame him, he ran out of here. But not before he said something that scared me."
"What?" Brian choked out the word, fearful of her answer.
"He said 'The only thing I can do is get out of your life so you'll never be miserable or hurt again. Just tell Nick that I love him. I love you, too. Goodbye.' "
Brian got off the bed, running a hand through his short blond hair. "Shit!" he muttered. "What did he sound like? Look like? Do you think he's gonna do something stupid?"
"He looked adamant. His voice sounded....final. And yes, Brian, I think he's capable of anything at this point. Especially if he went home and got high again. I don't think he was when he was here."
"I thought he was in...whatever the hell they call it..! Why was he doing drugs?"
"Everything that happened between him and Nick. He didn't say it in so many words, but that's what it is."
"Damn! What are we gonna do?"
"I can't do anything. I won't be released until tomorrow. Brian, you need to find him before..." She left the word hanging. Both of them knew the full extent of what she meant.
"I'm gonna go to his house and see if he's there. I'll call you as soon as I know something." He leaned to give her a kiss on the forehead.
Loreto grabbed his shirt. "You have to find him. No matter what he's done, I love him. He's a good person, Brian. He just needs help."
Brian nodded. "I know he is. You rest. I'll call you later."
"Brian?"
He turned back to her, his hand on the doorknob. "Nick and Shae are in North Carolina."
He gave her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Thanks."
Kevin left the hospital in a trance. He needed some stuff and he needed it now. He broke the speed limit in an effort to get home and get high. No one cares anymore. He sang it over and over in his head. His baby was dead. His father was dead. What was left? Nick hated him. Loreto hated him. He saw it in her eyes. There was no reason to go on.
He knew what to do now. Where to go. He ran up the stairs to his bedroom, took his stash out of its hiding place, and made two lines of it on his dresser. Then he snorted them up one by one. His head reeled as the effect began to hit him. He went to his closet and pulled out a few things. He did the same with his dresser then got an overnight bag and threw them in. He grabbed one last thing before leaving the room.
He sat at the kitchen table for a long time, then finally jotted down a few words on a piece of stationary. He propped it up against the centerpiece and walked out into the livingroom. Making sure he had his stash with him, he took one last look around, grabbed a few bottles of alcohol, and left the house.
A few hours later, he crossed the Florida state line into Georgia. He continued to drive North. His high was dwindling down and knew he would have to stop soon to replenish himself. His mind wandered through his life. He had a good life until 1998. No one understood what he was going through. His mother, whom he loved with all his heart, didn't know half of what was going on in his life. He told her the bare minimal because he didn't want her upset or worried. Now that she knew he had been on cocaine, she called him every night to see how he was doing. It drove him crazy. Where did everyone come off thinking they knew him? That they could give him advice when they didn't have one iota of what he was going through. Nick! He who condemned him with his mouth and his eyes. Like he had never done anything wrong in his own life. Who the hell did he think he was? 'I make one lousy mistake and I'm suppose to burn in hell for it?' he said outloud.
He didn't need Nick's forgiveness. He didn't need Loreto's eyes burning a hole in his soul. He needed to be alone. He needed to snort up his sugar until he no longer felt anything. When that was over with, he would go meet his father in heaven. He knew his father was looking down at him now and probably shaking his head. But he would beg for his forgiveness. That was the only person he would do it for. The only one that mattered. The dead were better than humans. They watched you from up above quietly. Silently. Let you make your own decisions. Guided you when you asked for it. They didn't make your life a living hell. They didn't condemn you. They didn't hate you.
'When I'm dead, they'll all be sorry. They'll cry and ask themselves what they could've done differently. They'll go through life wondering what they could've said to prevent this. But I won't have to live with the knowledge that I almost killed someone and killed my own flesh and blood. The blood won't be on my hands anymore.'
He put the radio on. "...Waking up as the sun goes down, body all in pain.
Straight out the door to the worst part of town, shooting up in vain. Slips all his money to the man, here we go again.....Here we go again. Got bags of mercy in the palm of his hand, shooting up in vein. So he heads for the closest rooftop and now he’s free with the skyline behind. But it won’t be long until his high will drop then you know what he’ll try to find. Such a shame. Now he’s back on that hunt for more, body all in pain. Wanting to get back to where he was before shooting up in vain. Here we go again..... Here we go again, shooting up in vain. Such a shame. Such a shame..."
Kevin shut off the radio and slammed down on the steering wheel at the time as his foot hit the brakes. He got out of his car and looked around. He was on a deserted road somewhere in Georgia. He took some of his stash out of the car and made a line on the hood of his car. He snorted it quickly, already feeling the tension leaving his body. That song had rattled his nerves. ''THIS IS NOT IN VAIN!!!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. There was a reason behind everything. And his reasoning was simple. Feel no pain. Feel dead until I am.
What a shame, what a shame.
The words reverberated in his mind over and over. He got back into his car and kept on driving.
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