~ Chapter 48 ~
Brian knocked on Kevin's door repeatedly. Getting no response, he used his key and entered the house. He was greeted by an eerie silence and the premonition that something bad was about to happen. He called out Kevin's name a few times then went up to his cousin's bedroom. He opened drawers and closets. There seemed to be a few things missing -- essential stuff that Kevin always took with him when he left town. Like the photograph of him and his dad at their campground when Kevin was 14. Swallowing the lump that was slowly becoming his throat, he went back downstairs and looked around the livingroom. A few of Kevin's favorite CDs were missing. Sighing outloud, he wandered into the kitchen. One glance around and he caught sight of the piece of paper leaning against the fruit bowl on the kitchen table. Hands trembling, he picked up and started reading.
To whoever finds this,
I'm gone to a domain where I can be with my dad again. No one wants or needs me here. To Nick, all I am is a constant reminder of his ex-girlfriend and time spent in a coma. To Loreto, all I am is a liar and a cheat. To the rest of you I am a druggie. I don't have a place on Earth anymore. Without the drugs I don't exist and with them I am slowly killing myself. To make it easy on everyone, I am just ending it before it ends me. I left my mom a letter on the fridge. Make sure she gets it. We'll meet again someday in that big cathedral in the sky.
Free now,
Kev
Brian was crying so hard, he started choking. He slid down into a chair and cried himself hoarse, never having felt so scared and guilty as he did just then.
He picked up the phone and had to dial three times before the phone started ringing. "AJ...it's me.." his voice was low and somber.
"Rok?" AJ tensed up at the sound of Brian's voice. He felt cold, knowing something was wrong. "Rok, what is it?"
Brian got choked up. "AJ, it's Kevin. He...he..just listen to this." He read the letter to AJ, stopping a few times when it got too much for him. By the time he was done, he could hear AJ sobbing.
"Oh my God, oh my God...'' AJ cried. "What are we gonna do? Do you know where he is, Rok?"
"I have an idea. We need to get on a flight to Kentucky asap. AJ, can you call Howie for me? I need to go call Loreto and tell her what's going on."
"I'll call Howie and make our reservations. What about Nick? Does anyone know where he is? He needs to know about this."
Brian hesitated before answering. "I'll find Nick. Call me on my cell when you have the reservations." He paused. "AJ, we need to find Kevin before it's too late." He started crying again. "He might already be dead."
"Don't say that!" AJ cried out. "He's not. I would feel it. I'm calling Howie now. Brian, please, stay calm when you see Loreto. You'll freak her out."
Brian forgot that AJ didn't know about Loreto's miscarriage. "Ok..." he said and hung up. He sat there, lost in thought when he suddenly remembered something Nick had told him. He always leaves his pugs with his next-door neighbors. "For the love of God why can't I remember their names," he muttered to himself. "Something with a B...Beatles...no damn it! Beatties...BEASLEYS!!!!" He jumped off his chair and realized with a sheepish look that he was alone in the house. He called 411 and got the number for the Beasley's. After explaining to Mrs. Beasley that it was urgent that he get a hold of Nick, she gave him the number in NC.
He didn't have time to think of what he was going to say when he heard Shae's surprised, "Hello?"
"Shae, it's Rok...Brian."
Shae's eyes widened in surprise. "Hi Brian."
"I know you're wondering how I got this number, but I don't have time to explain. Shae, I need you to listen to me. What I'm about to tell you is a matter of life and death."
Shae sat down. "Brian you're scaring me. What's going on?"
Brian started telling her everything, from Loreto's accident and miscarriage to finding the note in Kevin's house. He read the note to her. When he was done, he could tell that Shae was shaken. She was whispering, but her voice was trembling. "What do you mean, Loreto miscarried? She was pregnant? She never told me! Is she ok? Oh God. And Kevin? Where is he?" In shock, she shot out her questions one after the other.
"Shae, calm down. Loreto's ok. She's still in the hospital. Shae, no matter what you think of Kevin, you need to find a way to convince Nick to get on a plane to Kentucky asap. There'll be a ticket waiting for him at the airport in Raleigh-Durham. We'll pick him up. I'll reserve one for you to go to Orlando. Your friend needs you."
"What about Nicky?" She didn't want to leave him, but she needed to see Loreto, too.
Brian smiled at the use of Nick's pet name. "I'll take care of Nick, Shae. Just get him on that plane.
Shae sighed wearily. "Alright. I'll do my best."
"Do better than that, Shae! Kevin's life is at stake. Nick is the only one that can help Kevin now. Please!" He fought back his tears, but Shae could hear them in his voice.
"I'm sorry, Brian. I promise I'll have Nick on that plane."
"I'll call you with the flight times as soon as I get them. Thank you Shae."
Shae mumbled something and hung up. She walked back into the livingroom. Her heart was beating so fast, she thought Nick would see it. Nick looked up from the movie he was watching, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Who the hell was on the phone, Shae? No one knows we're here."
Shae sat down, facing him. "It was Brian."
"Brian?!?" he exclaimed. "How did he get the number?"
"I...I don't know. He didn't say. Nick, there's...there's a problem..." her voice trailed off as she fought for control. What was she suppose to say? Kevin wants to off himself and you're the only one who can save him?
"What problem?"
"K...Kevin...he's...he seems to be gone...Brian says to Kentucky...he's hurting and...and..."
Nick looked at her blankly. "Hon, you're not making sense. I don't give a shit about Kevin. Didn't I tell you never to mention that name in my presence again?"
"Nick, Brian says that Kevin's gone to Kentucky...to be with his father."
Nick laughed outloud. "Yea ok. Have you been taking drugs, too? His father passed away years ago."
"Exactly," Shae said pointedly.
Nick stared at her for a moment. "What are you saying Shae?"
"Stop playing stupid! Kevin's gone to Kentucky to kill himself. Because he feels unloved, unwanted, and knows YOU hate him! He left a suicide note. Brian found it and read it to me. Brian was crying on the phone."
"So now I'm responsible for Kevin's actions?" Nick yelled angrily, swallowing the lump in his throat. This nightmare was never going to end.
"No one said you were responsible. All I'm saying is that Kevin needs you. He did something he shouldn't have done. He stole your girlfriend from you. But it wasn't intentional and it wasn't premeditated, Nick. That bitch is the one who instigated the whole thing. She's the one you need to hate, not Kevin. Yes, he slept with her. But how do you know what would have happened if you would have married her? What if she cheated on you after you got married? Everything happens for a reason. It wasn't meant to be."
"Easy for you to say," Nick grumbled. "You weren't the one hurt. What about my accident?"
"Exactly what it was, an accident. Accidents are no one's fault. You can't blame Kevin because you weren't paying attention to where you were going."
Nick sprang off the couch, his eyes blazing. "So I'm the bad guy now? I thought you were on my side, Shae! Now poor Kevin is the victim and I'm the bad guy?!?!"
"I didn't say that. Why don't you sit down and listen to me for a minute." Nick plopped down on the couch, looking like an angry child. "Tell me something -- would you have felt differently that night in Sweden if you knew then what you know now? Would you have cared that Kevin was overdosing or would you have just stood there and wished him dead? What if that phone rings tomorrow and Brian tells you that Kevin is dead. What will you say? Do? Prepare for his funeral with a smile on your face? Will your nightmares go away cause the "bad guy" is gone forever? Will that make things better for you? Maybe you'll stop crying in your sleep and crying out Kevin's name."
Nick's eyes grew huge. "I don't cry out Kevin's name in my sleep!"
"Listen to yourself," Shae said in exasperation. "Do you hear yourself? I just told you that Kevin WILL DIE and you sit there and whine about your sleep. You have to go to Kentucky. It's not a choice you have. You can sit there and say all you want, but I know you don't want Kevin to die, Nick."
Nick stared at his hands. "I don't wish anyone dead," he mumbled.
"Of course not," Shae said gently. "Nicky, you have to be the bigger man here. You aren't responsible for Kevin's actions, but you need to prove that you can forgive Kevin for what he did, maybe eventually forget, and show him you that you love him. Help him on the road to recovery. That'll make you a hero, in my eyes anyway, not a bad guy. Kevin's the weak one. Suicide is never an answer. Yes, you're hurt, and you have every right to be. But people have been forgiven for acts much worst than girlfriend stealing."
Nick looked up, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I don't want him to die, Shae-Lyn."
Shae reached out and Nick came to her, his head on her chest. "Kevin was in the same position last year that you're in now. Except he isn't in a coma. You need to go to him." She let him sob for a few minutes, caressing his head with her fingers.
Nick sat up. "When do I leave?"
"As soon as Brian calls back with the flight schedule. Go pack."
"What about you? You're coming with me, aren't you?" He looked scared.
Shae shook her head. "I have to go back to Orlando. Loreto was in an accident. She needs me."
"I need you," Nick said softly.
Shae met his eyes. "You do?"
"Yea...I do. I always did..." His lips hovered above hers. Shae closed her eyes. She waited to feel those lips on hers, but Nick spoke instead. "Shae, you're good for me. I need a friend like you. After this is all over, will you help me find my Angel?"
Shae's eyes popped open and her heart sagged in despair. "Sure Nick. I have to go pack." She walked away with a heavy heart. 'When is my nightmare gonna end?'
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