~ Chapter 6 ~
Nick pressed the elevator button and averted his eyes from Shae's. "I'm going to get some peace." The elevator doors opened. "Have a good night," he said quietly and got into the elevator.
"Thanks. You...too..." Shae said as the elevator doors closed. She stared at the doors almost willing them to open. She knew they wouldn't.
She went to get the ice she had come for and ambled back to her room feeling sad. She knew Nick wouldn't come on to her the second he saw her. She wasn't stupid. She knew she wasn't his type. But she had hoped for at least some kind of friendship. She sighed as she walked back into her room. She threw herself on the bed onto her tummy and picked up a folder lying at the foot of the bed. It was some photos of Nick that she had taken with her. She stared at them. 'If only you knew....' she thought.
For some stupid reason, tears welled up in her eyes. She lay her head down and tried not to think about the next three months.
Shae-Lyn grew up in a very abusive home. Her mother had physically abused her most of her youth. What was worse were the names. The insults. The pain in her heart. She spent many a day and night crying. She had a few boyfriends in her teens, but never anything serious and they always broke up with her. Her mother constantly nagged her about her weight, even though she wasn't overweight back then at 115-120 lbs. Not being able to handle the insults and slaps, she tried to run away a few times. She never went farther than her best-friend's house across the street. Her mother never knew. When her mother kicked her out of the house at the age of 18, Shae-Lyn was distressed, but also looked at it as a new beginning. With the help of friends and her grandmother, she started a life on her own. It wasn't easy and the loneliness was often too much too bear. She still had upsetting feelings about her past. She could be agressive and defensive. She made friends easily enough, but as time went on, they married and had kids, leaving Shae-Lyn on her own.
She had been in love once. When the love of her life broke her heart, she swore off men for a couple of years. It wasn't easy for Shae-Lyn to find boyfriends. Around the age of 18, she'd started having health problems and gaining weight as a result. Even though she always considered herself ok looking, it seemed that her weight always got in the way. Trying to lose weight seemed to be a losing battle for her.
Her grandma passed away a few years earlier leaving Shae feeling dead for the first time in her life. She had never cried so many tears. Her grandmother had raised her for the first seven years of her life and Shae had always thought of her granny as her mother. Her grandmother was the only person whom she could rely on for emotional stability. She always told her that she loved her. Words her mother never said to her. A part of her died along with her granny and Shae knew that she had changed from that day forward.
As events in her life escalated from bad to worse, so did Shae's weight. She stopped caring a couple of years ago. She figured no one cared about her anyway. The phone calls to friends who were too busy to talk to her. The plans they cancelled with her because they got a better offer. The friends who never called unless she called them. It was always the same story. All she could do was sit at home and cry tears of self-pity. She knew that was pathetic, but it hurt. She didn't think she deserved all the pain that was constantly inflicted on her. She was witty and a good friend. But she knew that her childhood was always going to haunt her unless she faced it head on. She had found one way to relieve the solitude. The one thing she would never tell anyone. The secret she would carry to her grave. She knew that she wasn't crazy, but sometimes she wondered.
When she started getting into the BSBs in 97, she didn't know that she would feel such strong feelings for someone she didn't even know. Nick Carter represented something in her life that she wanted. He seemed so carefree, happy, playful, young. Shae always felt 10 years older than she was. She wanted to be like Nick. And she could relate to Nick. Listening to him stumble over his words. She knew about insecurity within yourself. They had a lot in common. They both loved the ocean. Water. She could stay in the water for hours. Her friends called her Mermaid. Her had recently said that he was a modern-day hermit. So was she. There was so many things she could relate to. Given the chance, she knew they'd be good for one another. Except she wasn't the classic American beauty. Her wasn't ugly. She had bright green eyes and was often complimented on her smile. Her hair was a highlighted brown and quite long. One of her assets. She was bubbly and liked to giggle.
But she knew that wasn't enough for Nick. She had seen the type of girls he went for and she knew she had no chance whatsoever of ever being with him. She lifted her head and stared at the tear-stained photo. 'I'd do anything just to hold you for one minute." She wept silently.
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